Building Meaningful Friendships Online
Written by Charlie Finney
I’ll be the first to say that online friendships are certainly in a league of their own. I already had several online friends from playing video games prior to lockdown. However, I know this is not the norm for most people, evidenced by the many articles explaining why Zoom calls are so tiring and the ever-dwindling enthusiasm for virtual pub quizzes and coffee meet-ups. And yet, although they must be approached differently, our online interactions can be and should be just as meaningful and precious as they would be face-to-face. And, as we head back into higher covid restriction, having already dipped our toes into the realm of online interactions, some will perhaps be wanting to uphold or build new online friendships. So, here are some tips and encouragements on making these meaningful and God-infused:
Video Call Etiquette and The Online Mentality
In order to seek the fruit that comes with online friendships, the elephant in the room must first be addressed, these kinds of interactions will not truly be akin to face-to-face ones. Particularly in video calls, it’s easy to be disappointed when things don’t feel exactly the same as before. However, once a few simple mentalities are applied, it becomes much easier to push through this and to find the meaningful parts of an online friendship.
1. Silence is okay:
When I video call someone for the first time, this is always the first thing I make clear: you don’t have to fill the gaps and silences, let them be. Learn to be comfortable with silence, it’ll save you a lot of anxiousness.
2. Be aware that things will go wrong:
WiFi will crash, microphones will break, background noise will persist. Don’t be phased by this, this is normal. Technology is seriously fallible and, especially for those of us who can’t afford a £1000 streaming set up, will continually fail us. Once normalised, these things become background and even make for some great inside jokes!
3. Keep track of fatigue and take breaks:
Zoom fatigue is real, don’t ignore it. If you feel like sitting and looking at a screen is scrambling your brain, don’t be afraid to say so and cut a non-urgent conversation short. When St Nic’s Live was on Zoom, it was always helpful that we would take a screen break halfway through to refresh our eyes and brains, enabling everyone to listen more attentively. It’s well worth applying this to all aspects of online life.
4. Expect repetition:
At first, the virtual pub quizzes and other social events had their novelty, but this has certainly worn off now, and people are scrambling to find something new. Relax. This is just a new normal. I always play the same video games with my friends but that doesn’t mean we’re stuck in a rut. The games we play are simply a means to enable conversations and deeper interactions. I encourage you to take pleasure in the new normal and to persist in pursuing the friendships themselves, rather than fretting over keeping things “interesting”.
The Not-So-Hidden Value of Online Interaction
So, this begs the question: what is it about these online friendships that makes all this effort worthwhile? Rather than trying to explain this conceptually, I’ll give you two examples of how online interactions have deepened my friendships.
The first being my core group, which was set up during lockdown. The last few months, we have taken time to check in with each other, often via a video call every week or two, but also through messages and doing a bit of baking together. The fact that these girls were just there for me was so meaningful during the lonely period of lockdown. Also, the fact that we all pray for each other has been such a comfort, especially being able to comfortably pray out loud on a video call, which we’ve done a lot. It has developed a vulnerability in our friendships with one another, which I believe wouldn’t have developed had this not been online.
Second is my aforementioned gaming friends. Over the course of lockdown, a small miscellaneous group of us, mostly mutual friends from across a few different unis, came together and now spend most evenings playing video games or D&D together. This adds a routine to the blur that life is right now. But it has also taught me to allow time to pace things, to think about what I’m going to say and to spend more attention listening to others. And often, friendships being virtual makes deep conversations easier to access for those who are more socially anxious, like myself. It’s far less scary to talk freely to my friends online, when it’s not in-person or in a busy environment.
Take-home Points
One important thing to take away from all of this is that, as God made us to have relationships and fellowship with one another, it’s so important to invest into them, although online versions of this take some getting used to.
Lastly, the one thing that will never change between face-to-face and online is the importance of prayer. Keep praying for your friends, chatting with God about them and showing God’s love to them however possible, because, when all is said and done, this is just another way to love your neighbour.